Roy's Secret
by little toshiro
Summary: Edward gets frustrated with Roy's refusal to take their relationship to the next level. What could be holding the other man back? Slight angst. Do not own FMA, I make no money from writing.
1. Chapter 1

He supported himself against the shower with one metal arm, his forehead resting gently against the cool tiles. With his other hand he was touching himself. Frustrated, aroused, hurt, and touching himself.

It wasn't anything new. It would start with a look. Then he would be standing way to close. Then they would be kissing. Kissing would lead to caressing. Caressing wouldn't lead anywhere.

This time he had tried, _tried hard_, to change the pattern. Desperate for some sort of relief from the ache in his pants, he had ignored the tell-tale signs that Roy was at his limit for the evening.

So he had put his hand over the quite obvious bulge in the Colonel's own pants and started rub. Right on cue, he felt the body he was currently straddling start to stiffen. _Not tonight, _the blonde alchemist had thought, determined.

He moved his hands up to the belt and started to undo it. He felt a hand latch onto his wrist, a silent warning to stop. He tried to shake that hand off, _if I just push a little bit more._ "Please Roy," he said quietly, not intending to have spoken the thought out load, and painfully aware of how desperate he sounded. "I can feel you want it too, so just please."

The younger boy could feel the blush, starting at his cheeks and running down to his neck, and infecting the tips of his ears. He hated begging. He never begged for anything, it was just, damn it, wasn't enough, enough? Hadn't he waited long enough, already?

The grip on his wrist tightened and finally he allowed his hands to still on the belt buckle. Slowly, afraid of what he would see, he looked up into those navy blue eyes. "Why?" he asked the older man, plaintively. Finally, those beautiful blue eyes dropped down, and instead of answering Ed, he lifted the smaller boy off his lap and deposited him on the coach.

That was it. He got up. He walked to the door. "Wait! Roy!" he called out, hoping for one last chance to reason with the confusing man. Without turning, the Flame Alchemist simply responded, "Don't forget to hand that report in tomorrow. 8AM." Just like that he was gone, leaving a very confused Edward Elric on the coach.

And that was why he was here, in the _goddamned _shower, again. Hurt, confused, angry, frustrated, aroused, and touching himself.

_Colonel Roy Mustang, also known as the Flame Alchemist, also know as the Biggest Coward in Central. _That was why, once again, he was supporting himself on one arm, in his shower. Frustrated, angry, confused, and touching himself.

It started just like it always did. He would catch Edward's eye while flipping through some reports he was pretending to read. He would then take his time to memorize every last detail of his face, his hair, his clothes, everything.

He got up from his chair and slowly walked over to the coach in his office where Fullmetal was pretending to read a book on alchemy he probably already had memorized.

Eyes the color of honey in sunlight would look up at him over the top of the book, unwilling to make the first move. Funny, that kid always did like to push.

He watched, seemingly helpless to the wants of his own body, as pale fingers reached down to stroke that beautiful, tanned face. He had cupped the boy's face in one hand gently pulled up, so he could see him.

He had leaned down then and the kissing had started. And how wonderful was it to kiss those full and pouty lips. To loosen golden locks from a tight braid and weave his hands in the soft waves.

That would inevitably lead to caressing. Light touches on his back, his sides, his face. A tongue would trace the shell of his ear.

That little firecracker just loved to straddle Roy's waist. He wasn't sure when it happened, because when they were together time and motion bled, but at some point Ed would invariably reverse there positions so that Roy would be sitting on the coach, and Ed would be on top of him.

It wasn't the grinding he minded. Grinding was perfectly acceptable. It was just that his little Edward refused to be content with just grinding.

Sooner or later, tanned fingers would travel down and start rubbing him through his pants. That felt absolutely delicious. That wasn't the problem either.

The problem was that his sunshine-blonde Alchemist with his beautiful honey colored eyes would naturally progress to the older man's belt buckle. It was then that he would tense, and frantically grab for Ed's hands, desperate to get him to stop before it become too late.

Because if the pants came off, then that would naturally progress to sex. And Roy Mustang couldn't have that. Oh, no. Because then Edward would find out… Find out that Roy wasn't… couldn't… anyway, he just couldn't find out.

And that was why, Colonel Roy Mustang, biggest coward in Central, was once again in the _goddamned _shower. Frustrated, angry, confused, and touching himself.


	2. Chapter 2

"Lieutenant Hawkeye speaking."

"Hey, Riza, it's Maes. Could you do me a favor?"

"Of course, what do you need?"

"Well, I just got a disturbing phone call from Roy, he sounded drunk and pretty out of it. Was saying something about cur-fluffing up and being a coward, and not deserving anything anyway? I'm not sure what he was going on about, but I'm worried he might be having another break down. I'd go over myself but Elysia's got a fever and Gracia's at her mother's."

"Cur-fluffing?"

"We don't use words like 'fucking' around Elysia… Oh, shit!"

"Daddy what's 'fucking' mean?"

"Oh shit, Gracia's going to be pissed!"

"Fucking, fucking, fucking…"

"Damn, anyway Riza, I gotta go, can you please, please head over there just make sure he's alright?"

"Of course, Maes."

"Thank you! Thank you, bye!"

Lt. Hawkeye gently replaced the phone in it's cradle. _Kur-fluffing?_

"Roy!"

Silence.

"Roy Mustang, if I have to shoot the lock off your front door, I am going to be fucking pissed!"

Silence.

With a sigh, Riza withdrew her sidearm and took aim just as the front door swung open, revealing a half-dressed and extremely drunk Colonel.

"What the hell Roy, Hughes is worried sick about you," the blonde Lieutenant demanded sharply.

"Yeah? Yeah? And since when does Maes Hughes have the right to… to… send someone over to my house and check up on me? Huh? Answer me that one."

Riza took note of the half empty fifth of whiskey clutched in his right hand. It was going to be a long night.

There were mornings in which Jean Havoc loved his job. Mornings were he came to work smiling, content and happy that if he worked hard, stayed sharp, stepped and fetched for the military, that the military would take care of him and that was just fine. Then there were mornings were Jean Havoc felt like he just didn't get paid enough.

"So I wait, here in that Colonel Bastard's office until ten o'clock! Ten o'clock! Before someone informs that the Stupid Jerk Bastard called in sick because of a goddamn hangover!"

Havoc took a moment to marvel at how such a small, little guy like Edward Elric could insult someone in all caps.

"I mean, what the hell does he need to get drunk for anyway! He's got… he's got… responsibilities." Edward finished lamely, suddenly painfully aware that he had been rambling at the top of his longs for who-knew how long.

"Did he say anything about handing my report in. at least?"

"I believe Lt. Hawkeye called in for him… I don't believe she mentioned anything other than the Colonel was nursing an unbelievable hangover and that he wouldn't be in until the morning. Sorry, kid."

"Hey, Ed, Fullmetal, you ok?" He noticed that the shorter boy had gone pale and looked shocked.

"Ed? What did I say? Wait, Ed!" But the boy had gone, leaving a very confused Jean Havoc alone in the main office.

Yep, some mornings he definitely didn't get paid enough.

There were mornings when Lieutenant Hawkeye loved her position in the military. She loved being right hand man to the Flame Alchemist. She would lay her life on the line to ensure that his dreams came true. She was happy and proud to serve under Colonel Roy Mustang. Then, there were mornings when she felt like she just didn't get paid enough.

"So, run this by me again. You were in your office after hours with a subordinate, and I get the feeling this wasn't the first time either, and all of a sudden, you decide to start making out?"

"It wasn't like that exactly, with me and Ed, Ed and me, whatever, it just kind of… look, do we have to talk about this now? I have the hangover from hell."

"Yes, we have to talk about this now, and my heart bleeds for your hangover."

"Just because you pulled a stupid muscle dragging me into my shower. With my clothes still on, by the way."

"Well I had to do something to sober you up, you jack ass."

"Why did you even come over anyway?"

"Maes was worried."

"What give Maes the right to designate me a babysitter?"

"I believe walking into the barracks and finding his best friend sitting on the floor with a gun in his mouth is what gives him the right. I need to evaluate you so we can determine whether you need to be put back on suicide watch."

_Ouch. _Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was a firm believer that sugar-coating was strictly for candy. She didn't eat candy.

"Ok. You want the run down? Here it is. I'm ridiculously hot for my subordinate Alchemist, but every time we get touchy-feely I make him back off because I'm a… I'm… I can't…" by this point the palest man in Central had become the reddest man in Central.

"I think I understand." The woman was nodding to herself.

"You do?" Confusion and relief were written on the Colonel's usually closed off face.

"Yes. Instead of either A) having negative thoughts about a sexual relationship about your … boyfriend? I guess is the term, and fucking him anyway, or B) Discussing your 'problem' with him in a polite and rational manner, like people in a healthy relationship are wont to do, you went with option C) Throw him off of you like a pile of unwashed clothing, run for the door, and then go home to drink yourself stupid on cheap whiskey."

"You aren't telling me anything I don't already know. I know I'm a coward and a loser and a fuck-up, and…" he trailed off looking down at his bare feet. He automatically reached for his bottle of whiskey, which the Lieutenant had already drained in the kitchen sink. There hadn't been much left, anyway, she had reasoned.

"You aren't any of those things. Kind of stupid sometimes, but the almighty Flame Alchemist I know isn't anyone's bitch. Least of all his own. Get some rest Roy. Get some rest and then go fuck your boyfriend. I'll tell Maes that you were just upset about your collection of toy dolls going missing."

He didn't look up. As the door closed she could hear him muttering under his breath, "Action figures, they are called action figures. Lots of men my age have…"

Yep, some mornings she definitely didn't get paid enough.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor do I make any money from writing this.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, subscribed, etc…! Means the absolute world to me and I'm glad you guys are liking the story. I love constructive criticism, so feel free to review or send a message about anything you liked, didn't like, what have you. Thanks again!

Little Toshiro

"Brother! Brother, talk to me! Open up, please!" Alphonse Elric had been listen to his brother whimper in his bedroom for the better part of an hour, with the door locked. Frankly, Al was starting to get a little worried.

"Just go away Al! You wouldn't understand."

"Just talk to me!"

"No!"

"Brother! Please!"

"Go away!"

"Not until you tell me what happened!"

"Alright. Fine. You win." With a quiet click the door unlocked, revealing a disheveled alchemist with red eyes and red, puffy cheeks. It was all too obvious that Al's big brother had been crying.

They sat on the bed, Ed looked down at his sheets, crumpled in his hands, while trying to find the words. While trying to calm down enough to talk. Ah, hell. Better to just blurt it out. Like ripping off a sticking bandage.

"The Colonel and I were fooling around and I wanted to have sex and he didn't and I got upset and he wouldn't talk to me and he left and I went home and when I went to work the today he wasn't there he was home with Lieutenant Hawkeye and if he fools around with me why was he with her and why won't he sleep with me anyway I know he wants it too I can feel it so I just don't know what's going on." Edward hadn't looked at Al the entire time he had been speaking, but now he looked up at him through golden lashes, trying to read his expression.

The younger boy was speechless while trying to process Edward's confession. Quietly he got up from the bed and came back with cold, wet washrag and gently began wiping his older brother's face.

"So you and the Colonel, huh?"

Ed let out a shaky breath, "Yeah."

"The important thing is just to calm down. Whatever is going on with the Roy might not even have anything to do with you, or Riza. Who knows why she was there? You should just relax until you can talk to him about it tomorrow."

"Yeah. You're right. But what about him not touching me?"

Al pondered this for a moment. "You said he seems really into until you, um, try to um, do stuff to his stuff, right?"

Despite the awful day he'd had Edward couldn't help but smile at his brother's innocence. "Yeah, it's like his belt is his automatic shut off switch or something."

"Hmm, maybe he thinks you just aren't ready. Compared to him, you are still really young."

Ed let out a frustrated sigh. "Trust me all, I'm ready. I've been ready in the shower twice a day, every day, for the past month! If I were any more ready, I would be raping that Bastard Colonel!"

"Brother please! I don't need to know _everything._"

"I know! I'm just…"

"Sexually frustrated?"

"Yeah. That's the phrase. I am sexually frustrated. I can't believe I'm talking about this with my younger brother."

"Well, that is what I'm here for."

For the first time that day, the Fullmetal Alchemist allowed himself a smile. "Thanks Al."

It was the next day, and as much as Roy _wasn't _looking forward to the impending confrontation with his young … friend, he knew he couldn't put it off any longer.

He put his best military voice on and called out to the person he was sure was leaning against his office door. "Edward Elric! Report please!"

The door slowly creaked open and Ed slipped in, locking the door behind him He walked up to the Colonel's desk and unceremoniously dropped a short stack of papers onto his desk.

They held each other's gazes for a long minute, before finally the older man broke the silence. "Edward…"

"It's Fullmetal at work, remember? Here's your stupid report, can I go now Bastard Colonel?"

"Look, I'm sorry. It's just…" He couldn't finish his sentence. _Fucking coward_, he thought to himself miserably.

"What?" the smaller boy had dropped his anger and his sarcasm. Now he just seemed tired and a little bit sad.

"What?" He repeated, a little more forcefully.

"What is it? What about me is good enough to kiss, touch, and grope, but not good enough to fuck? Well? Is it because I'm young? Or a man? Because you don't think I'm ready? Is it the automail? Is it because I'm short?" He had started out almost yelling and had ended with a choked whisper.

A tear splashed onto the younger boy's hand where he had been gripping Roy's desk. A shaking hand lifted to wipe the tears away from his face.

"Do you see what you do to me?" He finished quietly, looking once more into those beautiful blue eyes.

The Colonel looked like he was going to speak, but then just shook his head and looked down at his desk. He stayed that way even when he heard the door close.

_Fucking coward. Fucking worthless, fucking coward. _He repeated the mantra over and over to himself. He had wanted to say so many things, had wanted to scream at the boy. _No, I love you, I want you. I want you so bad it's all I can think about! No, don't leave, don't leave, don't leave. Please, I'll make it up to you. It's not you, it's me, I'm fucked up! _

Any one of dozens of phrases he could have said. Would have said. He even opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't_ fucking_ come. He'd stalled. Just like everything else that dug down deep into himself, he couldn't face it. Couldn't deal. So the words, words that could have fixed everything, wouldn't come.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well, here you go. My report. Typewritten and everything. I still don't see why I have to waste my time reporting on research, but whatever. Here's the fucking report now fuck off Colonel Dip Shit."

The silence, as the cliché goes, was quite deafening.

It had occurred to the officers sitting at the long table, that this was not an example of the usual banter that occurred between the Colonel and the hot-headed alchemist.

It had occurred to Edward that every single person in the main office was staring at him. In his brash and impulsive way he hadn't thought beyond handing his report in, telling off the Colonel, who he absolutely refused to think of by his first name until he pulled his head out of ass, and then ducking right back out to finish his research.

It wasn't his fault he had lashed out. The stupid bastard had had it coming.

Feeling hurt and angry every day of the week had finally taken it's toll and the young alchemist was starting to take his discontent out on any and everything he came across, animate or not.

After what had happened yesterday, at this same time, in this same office, he had gone tearing back to his dorm.

He had ripped the door open, stalked over to his brother Alphonse, and demanded that they go to the library to do research on chimera reversal alchemy.

He had been quite surprised when his devoted younger brother had silently shaken his head no.

Surprised had quickly shifted into anger, just as hurt had mere moments ago.

"What do you mean, no? We have jobs don't we? Well lets go do them! That means research! I hate that stupid Bastard!"

Yes, he hated the Colonel, he hated the military, he hated the carpet in the dorm, and right now he absolutely despised the sad look his younger brother was giving him.

"And stop looking at me like that! Now lets go!"

"No. You are my brother and I love you, but I just don't want to be around you when you are like this. I'm fine with doing research, but I'll do it on my own."

It was then the young alchemist had realized that he had been taking his anger out on all the wrong people. If he was going to treat someone like crap, it had better be the person who actually _deserved_ the hostility. That. Bastard. Colonel.

So, in his childish way he had marched right up to that Bastard's desk and thrown his report at him. Had called him Colonel Dip Shit in front of the entire office, including Falman who looked like he was about to have a heart attack, and Lt. Hawkeye, who having caught Edward's eye, very casually placed her hand on her sidearm.

Edward Elric felt himself start to blush.

To say that the Flame Alchemist was displeased with his young…friend's very public outburst would be the understatement of the year.

Before even he knew what was happening he had hauled the boy up by his jacket slung him over one shoulder and carried him to his private office, threw him down on the couch, and then turned back around to shut and lock the door.

Normally, looking into those honey colored eyes would make him forget any and all coherent thoughts, but right now his considerable wrath was overriding any other _feelings _he might have towards _that kid._

He stood for a moment trying to gather the right words, and also to keep from screaming them when he did find them.

"What the hell gives you the right to speak that way _in front of the officers in my command?_" He said the words quietly, but through his teeth.

"I'm not under any obligation _whatsoever_ to sleep with you, and I am just _so _sorry your precious feelings are hurt because of it, but under no circumstances will you mix your personal feelings with your behavior at work. I am your commanding officer and you _will _treat me with respect. Now, explain yourself."

Now it was Edward's turn to gather up his thoughts, and try to voice them without crying. When he was making his half-way thought out plans to bitch out the Colonel, he hadn't given any thought passed the moment when he would tell that Bastard off. He definitely hadn't planned this far ahead.

"I know it's not like we're _dating_, or anything, I just…" he trailed off. He could feel his eyes filling with those damnable tears again. He found he was unable to look his… superior officer in the face, so he turned his head to the side.

"Just what, Elric?"

His face felt hot. He was starting to wish that Bastard had never looked at him or kissed him or touched him in the first place.

"I just… when you start touching me it makes me want you. I mean, _want _you. And you don't want me back, and I don't know why it hurts me so much, it just does. I just wanted to hurt you like you've been hurting me. I guess I thought if I called you Colonel Dip Shit in front of your fan club then it would hurt you. It hurts that you don't want me how I want you. It _really hurts._"

He closed himself off before he started rambling again.

Slowly he turned his gaze back to the older man in front of him, once again afraid of what he would see.

Roy Mustang looked tired and resigned, but no longer mad.

"You always have to have some project don't you? You finally have your brother back in one piece, you found your way back from wherever-it-was you were-"

"Germany"

"Don't interrupt- and now your research is boring you so you have a new project. Get into Roy's pants." He finished speaking and moved to sit next to Ed on the coach.

Ed felt himself flush red all over again, this time indignantly. "Listen, you jerk, you came onto me first-"

"Bullshit Edward! You started this!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Obviously I don't!"

"Oh yeah? How about that look you give me every single time we're alone together?"

"What look?" Both men were so caught up in their disagreement they didn't realize they were shouting.

Roy made an attempt to calm down, but only on the off chance that this _impossible _kid really didn't know what he was talking about.

Breathe. In. Out. Good, Roy, good.

He tried to explain. "I will be sitting over here at my desk reviewing your reports, you will be sitting there on my couch, reading some book on alchemy-"

"They aren't all about alchemy-"

"_Don't _interrupt- and then I'll look up and you will be sitting there looking at me over the top of your book, looking at me like you want to eat me alive-"

"I thought I was being subtle." By this point Edward's comments were being spoken to the plain gray carpeting that ran through the entire building.

"Subtle? _Subtle?" _He couldn't help it at that point. He laughed, disbelief plainly apparent on his pale features.

"Don't laugh at me."

"I'm not laughing at you, Edward, I'm laughing at the absurdity of the situation I'm in."

"Well it worked, anyway."

"What worked?"

"At least your talking to me now."

Roy glanced over at him, then he turned and sat cross-legged on the couch.

After a moment, Ed did the same.

They sat that way for a moment.

Slowly, pale fingers reached towards the young boy across from him and stroked his cheek.

Incensed, the blonde leaned into the touch, turning his face slightly to kiss Roy's fingertips.

A gasp, a moan, a sigh, noises Roy Mustang hadn't known he could make, all brought on by a seventeen year old boy with an apparent fetish for sucking on finger tips.

He slowly let the drama of the past few days ease out of his system and simply enjoyed the attention being given.

Ed moved from fingertips to wrist to neck, freely lavishing attention every where he went.

Every time Roy moved forward to participate, it resulted in an automail hand pushing him firmly back, followed by a disapproving look, and most disconcerting for Roy, a break in the action.

He tried to speak. This too was met with a firm hand covering his mouth and disapproval evident in honey-gold eyes.

Caught up in the moment and unable to stop himself he found himself saying around and through glove covered metal fingers, "Your eyes are like honey when its in sunlight."

A gasp, followed by a look of wonder on a face both tanned and kissed by a rose colored blush.

Edward leaned forward slowly, took Roy's face in his hands, and softly touched his lips to his Colonel's.

He let his tongue trace the bottom, the top, and finally moved in to explore the area in between.

His hands dropped down from face to buttons, and he began undressing the Colonel.

He pulled back from their kiss, panting slightly from the intensity of it.

Once again, he gave his attention to the older man's neck. Sucking, licking, nibbling, then sucking_ hard_. He admired his handy work for a moment, then he leaned up to Roy's ear and whispered, "Roy." He followed by licking the shell of Roy's ear, and then whispering again, "Roy, I want you Roy." He brought the other man's hand down to the bulge in his leather pants. "Feel how much I want you Roy."

Helplessly, unaware he was even doing it, Roy began to stroke his…_fuck it_, boyfriend through his pants.

Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, and right now, most aroused man in all of Central, was coming to an extremely important realization about himself.

He enjoyed being teased.

And right now, he was being completely and thoroughly teased by this beautiful, magical, _wonderful_, tanned skinned, honey-eyed, sunshine-haired, God of all things forbidden pleasure, and he fucking loved it.

Ed pushed him back against the arm of the couch and straddled him, one leg on, and one leg supporting him on the floor. He started the grind that would inevitably lead to a desperate attempt by one Fullmetal Alchemist to get his pants off.

In fact, he could already feel himself tense up.

Again, no doubt trying to do it subtly, those magical fingers moved down to Roy's belt.

Automatically, he felt himself reach for both wrists, ready to toss the boy off and use the dorm showers if need be.

But, strangely, the boy had already moved his hands from Roy's belt (only partially undone, thank goodness) and was moving off of him on his own.

The Colonel felt himself heave a huge sigh of relief. He had taken the hint without a fuss. Maybe he was finally starting to understand…

But the boy had gotten up only to kneel in front of him, head in between Roy's thighs. He rubbed his cheek against the straining erection in _his_ Bastard's pants.

Roy looked down at his subordinate, who had taken the zipper of his uniform in between his teeth, and knew he was lost.

Oh, hell. Whatever happened, happened. He dug his nails into his palms and begged mercy from a god he didn't really believe in.

"Edward…" he breathed.

Edward didn't look up. He focused on his task with the single minded determination he was so famous for.

Shyly, a little bit embarrassed by his wanton display, but frankly out of any other ideas, he brought the zipper down and began nuzzling the present the Colonel still had hidden away behind boxer shorts.

Ed had been very careful not to use his hands the entire time, on the off chance that was the key that had his Roy under this bizarre spell.

He nuzzled, he licked. Roy's strictly held control was starting to weaken. He bucked up, momentarily surprising his young… _sigh, oh fuck it, I'm going to hell anyway, _lover.

He looked up, honey colored eyes meeting glazed over sapphire.

He took the thrusting as a sign of encouragement and, again, using only his mouth, popped Roy's erect cock free.

Ed had never given a blow job before. Had never seen a… a… _blush_ cock up close (besides his own of course) before. His masturbatory sessions had been strictly limited to the shower.

He was therefore, quite surprised by the liquid that seemed to be leaking out the top. Curious, Ed dipped a finger in and brought it to his lips, tasting the strange liquid.

"What's this?" He looked up and asked the unusually flushed man above him.

"Pre cum," came a ragged whisper. " 's pre cum."

Ed was concerned. It didn't look like Roy was breathing.

"Hurry." Came that ragged whisper again.

He licked the tip, cleaning all that _pre cum_ off the tip, which only seemed to make more drip out.

He licked again. And again. He swirled his tongue around the head. He sucked it into his mouth, drew back, licked some more. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, exactly, but every motion, lick, suck, swirl, and kiss to the other man's cock had him moaning.

"More. More, Ed. Please, suck me."

Something about the desperate pleading in Roy's voice caused Ed to growl low in his throat, and take more of the Colonel into his mouth. He growled again, palming himself through pants that were just _so_ tight. He gave one hard suck and hands that had been fisted at the older man's sides came up to grasp a blonde head. He bucked his hips for a second and final time.

Cum poured down the alchemist's throat, and Ed swallowed reflexively. He drew back, and then almost as an after thought, leaned forward again to lick all of the remaining cum off of Roy's beautiful member.

He wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand.

He zipped the Colonel back up and stood up, muscles stiff, to sit next to Roy.

"Was that so bad, Colonel Bastard?" He was still breathing heavy.

Unable to speak for the moment, Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, and right now, most relaxed and sated man in all of Central, simply shook his head.

He leaned back against the couch, tucking his lover next to him, blonde head resting against his shoulder.

"So, what the hell did they teach you in this 'Germany' anyway?"

"Oh, stuff about rockets. Why?"

A chuckle. "Never mind, Ed, never mind."

The boy snuggled into his side, for the moment content.

Roy dropped a kiss onto the top of his head. _Never again, _he promised himself,_ this won't ever happen again. Oh, Edward Elric. What have you done to me?_

A/N: Thank you for reading! Love and hugs all around.


	5. Chapter 5

"So then Gracia was all, 'and where did she learn _that _word Maes?" and I was like _shit_, and then I said, 'she _must _have heard it from Roy because I would _never' _and anyway, if she says anything to you about it just go along with it. Please? For me?"

Maes Hughes held his breath.

"Yes. Of course." Roy looked at the clock. _Shit._

"I have to go, Ed's going to be here soon and-"

"Ed?"

_Shit._

He wasn't Colonel for nothing, "Yeah, Al got tired of his spastic crap and told him he wanted to study separately. So Al is in the library at Central and Edward is coming here to study in my library."

"Um, Roy, I've seen your 'library.' It's mostly porn and dirty magazines."

"Oh, yeah. Well. He's bringing his own books."

_Damn to all hell that inquisitive personality._

"Fucking, fucking, fucking…"

"Oh shit! I have to go, have fun with Ed! Bye!"

"Bye." The Colonel said to dead air.

The boy actually was coming over to study, but it wouldn't do for people to be asking questions.

"Loafers or boots?"

_Sigh. _"Boots."

"Braided, down, or ponytail?"

"Down."

"Leather pants, dress pants or-"

"Leather."

"Um. Ok. Should I wear the white shirt with a vest? Or the white tank top with the black jacket? I want to look nice but I don't want to look _too _nice. Like I'm trying too hard, you know? So should I wear the dress shirt or the-"

_Thunk._

"Hitting me with a book was unnecessary, Alphonse."

"Quit acting like a girl. If the Colonel likes you in your unwashed jacket he'll like you in anything."

"That's not very helpful Al."

"Fine. Wear the dress shirt with the leather pants, _if they are clean_, the boots, wear your hair down, I would try a light holding spray. Oh, yeah, and in _Central Girl_ magazine they recommend Cherry Bomb lip gloss, if you want to 'Snag Him in the First Ten Seconds.'"

"Thanks Al! You're a lifesaver!"

"Don't mention it. Please. And Brother?"

"Yeah Al?"

"You _really _need to get laid."

"Well it isn't for lack of trying. And Al?"

"Yes Brother?"

"You are going to make some lucky bastard a great wife someday."

Edward Elric closed the door on a muffled shout of, "I like girls!"

If he could attempt illegal alchemy, face down homunculi, fight his way back from an alternate dimension, and endure the Colonel's sarcasm, he could definitely do this.

"May I help you?" the shop girl asked politely.

"Yes. I need Cherry Bomb lip gloss. I also need some holding spray."

She blinked. Usually when young men came in it was for perfume or some type of little gift for a girlfriend. Oh, well. It was important to maintain customer service, even if she did think it was a little weird.

Roy Mustang opened his front door at 7:30 PM.

Edward watched a procession of expressions cross his face.

Confusion. Recognition. Surprise.

When he thought the older alchemist was about to laugh, he surprised him by blushing.

"You look…" his voice trailed off and he looked down the shorter boy's body to his shoes and all the way back up to his soft wavy hair, and finally landed back on his full, shiny mouth. A mouth which currently seemed to be a soft pink color. _Roy Mustang, what have you gotten yourself into now?_

"Different." He finished.

Ed's head quirked to the side, "Why does Al read _Central Girl_ magazine?"

Roy, feeling completely out of his element, just shook his head.

"Ah, well. I suppose it doesn't matter. It's just funny. Teenage boy, professes to be straight, reading a girly magazine." He finished with a shrug, and licked his lips.

And licked his lips.

And licked his lips.

And licked his- "Roy? Roy? Hello? Are you with me?"

"My pants are tight." _Roy Mustang, you are an idiot._

A smirk. _Wonder where you learned that from?_

"Well, I can't really do anything about that standing out here can I?"

Another helpless head shake.

Ed put his gloved hands on Roy's chest and gave a gentle shove. "Come on, I haven't been to your house before, we can start with you showing me around."

Instead of responding, the Colonel reached around the shorter boy and gripped his ass in both hands. In one swift motion, he hauled Ed up and held him close, forcing Ed to wrap his legs around Roy's waist, and his arm's around Roy's neck.

A step backward.

A slammed door.

Edward Elric had the feeling his suspicions about Roy Mustang were going to be proved correct.

He didn't have much time to think on it as he was then himself slammed against a door. He had the distinct impression he was being groped. He gasped as teeth bit his right ear. Then a mumbled whisper. Something like, "Going to hell, want you, leather and lip gloss."

Roy furiously ground him against the door for a few moments before setting him back down, and then stepping backwards.

"I can't do this Edward."

"You are so full of shit, Bastard. You were doing just fine a second ago. What the fuck is your hang up anyway? You like me because I look a little bit girly but then when it become _blatantly_ obvious that I'm a _guy_ you 'can't do this'? Well, I am a guy and I'm going to stay that way so if that's a problem you had better just transfer me East, because quite frankly, _darling,_ I can't stay the fuck away from you."

The older alchemist looked down at his little spitfire. Hands curled into tight fists, fingernails digging into palms, face flushed, and lips swollen.

_You don't owe him an explanation, _his inner coward was whispering to him again. _Just throw him out of your house and lock the door. _

For the first time since this _affair_, for lack of a better word, had started Roy Mustang made the executive decision to tell his inner coward to fuck right on off, thank you very much.

"I can't stay away from you either. Look, Fullmetal-"

"Edward"

"Alright, _Edward_. It doesn't have anything to do with you looking girly. I don't think you look girly. I think you look _sexy_. Sexy as_ fuck._" He grabbed the other boy's hand held it to the front of his pants.

"Girls don't do _this _to me. Only you, Edward. Only you." He felt himself blushed.

The blonde bit his bottom lip. "Then it _is _the automail. Look, I'm trying, _trying so hard_ to get it fixed. Al's even helping me, but it's going to take time, but I swear I'm… I'm going to be whole again. I _swear._" He felt the tears well up again and looked down at his boots.

Roy Mustang saw the tears spilling onto the floor. _You fucking coward. Don't you _dare_ just stand there and let him cry. You fucking bone up and tell him 'what your hang up is' or I swear I will fucking kill you. _

Edward furiously ripped his gloves off and started wiping the tears off his face. He tensed when he felt strong arms lift him up, like he was a bride, and carry him through the house. He was being hugged close and comforted with Roy's nonsense noises.

A still-sniffling Ed looked up, confused. "Where are you taking me?"

Roy laid his beautiful blonde down on his bed. He moved to the end and casually began removing shoes and socks.

He loving stroked and kissed one flesh foot, and then moved to the other metal one.

"Edward look at me."

Confused eyes that impossible color of honey-in-the-sunlight looked at him as he slowly sat up on the bed, leaning back against fluffy down pillows.

Still holding the metal foot in his hands, he bent down and loving kissed each metal toe. Then the instep, then the ball, then the heel, and finally kissed his ankle.

He looked back up. "Listen to me Edward."

The blonde gave a quick nod, but remained silent.

"Edward Elric, I solemnly swear to love every single part of you. Even- no, especially, the parts of yourself that you don't like. I will do this until and after you love them too."

Ed gasped and smiled and it was the most beautiful thing Roy Mustang had ever seen.

After that they had been content to just hold each other while Roy's words sunk in.

Eventually, Ed lifted his head from its resting place on Roy's shoulder.

He lifted up so that he was laying on his side. The young alchemist began drawing circles on the older man's stomach with his fingernails. He glanced up at the Colonel's face, seeking encouragement. It was received in the form of a mumbled, "feel's good," accompanied by a sleepy smile.

Getting bolder, he began playing with a belt buckle. Once that pesky hindrance was out of the way, he moved to the top buttons. And the zipper. Finally! He gently began tugging down the boxers.

A groan. "Edward…"

Edward pretended to be deaf. He had not gone through the mother of all emotional roller coasters that day just to be parried at the last minute. No sir.

"Edward, we need to talk."

"Shut up, Bastard, I'm working here."

"I'm serious. Just let me talk to you for a minute, and then after, if you still want to, we can do whatever you want. Deal?"

The blonde considered.

"Am I finally going to find out what this bizarre hang up is?"

_Sigh. _"Yes."

_Sigh._ "Deal."

_Better just spit it out. _"I'm nervous."

"Nervous? About telling me? Since when are you nervous about _anything_ you're the _Bastard Colonel_ for fuck's sake."

Roy shook his head rapidly. Why was everything so hard?

"No, I mean, that's my 'hang up.' I'm nervous as _fuck_."

"Why? The younger boy asked curiously.

"It's just me. Just Ed. I mean, aren't you like, ladies man extraordinaire or something? Why would doing stuff with someone like me make you nervous?"

Pale skinned turned rosy with a blush.

_Bone up, coward. Last chance or I really will kick your ass._

"I've never done this before. I'm a virgin." He refused to look Ed's direction or make any other noise. He was just going to stare at the ceiling and pray for the mattress to swallow him whole.

_Happy? _He asked his inner Roy.

_Very. Maybe now we can get some, pansy._


	6. Chapter 6

**Edward Elric tasted blood, but continued to bite down until the urge to laugh passed.**

_**Perfect moron, laugh now and you lose this forever. **_

**That sobered him up some. **

**Not that he would be laughing **_**at Roy**_**. No. Not at all. Just the hilarity of the situation. Of course Roy wouldn't take it that way. **

**He shifted slightly to lean over a very pale Colonel. **

"**Roy."**

**The older man tensed up and spared a glance at his young lover. **

**A tanned hand reached down to stroke dark locks. He leaned further down and planted a soft kiss on Roy's lips. His hand continued to stroke, to caress, moving from hair to nape to cheek. Calming, soothing gestures. He gently licked, bit, and sucked anywhere he could find a bit of uncovered skin. Always gentle, without using words he asked permission, and in turn had it granted.**

**After a moment or a million years he lifted up and repeated softly, "Roy."**

"**Yes?" The strain had gone out and he looked more relaxed. **_**Good.**_

**The hand drifted back down to a pale stomach, and he repeated his earlier motion.**

**Dipping his head down, he licked the shell of the other man's ear.**

"**Listen to me Roy."**

**A dazed look and a nod where his only response.**

"**I, Edward Elric, solemnly swear to make this as good for you as I possibly can. Do you trust me?"**

"**I guess I have to, don't I? I mean, I don't know what to do or anything. This is so embarrassing. Fuck, I must seem like a complete moron right now-"**

"**Roy."**

"**Sorry. Yes, I trust you. So, what do we do now?"**

"**First, you need to relax. Second, lay back and let me drive."**

**Roy swallowed. He nodded. **_**Deep breaths Roy, deep breaths. It's ok. You've tackled scarier things than this.**_

**Ed spoke again, interrupting his internal monologue, "I promise we will only do things that you are comfortable with. Anything doesn't feel right, you let me know and I'll stop. Now, did you like what I did to you in your office the other night?"**

**A blush and a nod were Ed's confirmation.**

**It felt good to have a starting place. The blonde crawled back down to the middle of the bed. It looked like he was going to have start over from scratch.**

**Hmm. How to proceed? **

**Gentle caresses, murmured reassurances, and Roy Mustang felt himself start to get hard again, despite what he was sure was going to be the most humiliating experience of his life.**

_**You can do this Mustang. You are no one's bitch. **_**He began repeating it to himself like a mantra. When lips warm and soft wrapped around the head of his cock, he stopped thinking at all.**

**Edward Elric was praying to every god he didn't believe in that this time, whatever magic spell he had managed to weave around the Colonel would stay intact. **

**Roy Mustang, when capable of coherent thought, wondered just how it was possible that his young lover knew more about his cock than he did. It didn't take much deliberation to decide that it wasn't important.**

**Deep blue eyes caught honey-golden ones looking up from between his eyes. The sight of his Edward with his cock in that full, pouting mouth was, was-**

_**Don't think, Mustang, just feel. **_

**Those beautiful, magical, tantalizing lips lifted from Roy's erection, and the older man felt himself start to panic. **

**Ed lifted his head, winked, and then dipped his head further down. He started at the base, licking his way up, before swirling the head expertly. A mouth close in a kiss at the top. Another wink, and this time he plunged down the length of his lover's cock. **

**He was sucking and licking at the base, barely lifting his head up. **

**He flicked his eyes upward to check Roy's reaction. **

**The sounds issuing from those lips…**

**The older man was gasping, panting, **_**moaning…**_

**Edward was worried that he was going to come just from giving a blow job. Not that it would be the first time. The thought of hair-triggering on Roy before he'd even really got started on him was enough to sober him up so that he could concentrate on the task at hand. **

_**Hmm. Still not enough.**_

**He lifted his head to the tip, licked Roy's pre cum off the slit, and then plunged back down. He repeated the motion over and over, blonde head bobbing up and down. He paused when Roy began to speak.**

"**I. Ah! Ah, ah. Mm. Ah. I'm going to come, Ed,-" Even as he spoke he could feel his body tensing up, pale fingers gripping his bed sheets like they had the power to hold off his impending orgasm. **

**Two hands, one flesh, one automail, gripped Roy's hips, as the blonde started to suck and lick with abandon.**

**His head lifted one final time, and he let out in a whisper that was no more than a breath, "Come for me, Roy."**

**Edward bent back down to his task and was delightfully surprised when pale hands gripped the sides of his head as the cock he was working on pulsed in his mouth. **

**The blonde swallowed as much as he could and licked the rest from his lover's cock. **

**With one final lick, he lifted back up. **

"**How was that?"**

**Unable to speak, his Colonel simply flashed him a thumbs up sign.**

"**What about you?" The older man asked, curiously. **

"**I'm not sure how good it would be, but I can try, and I'm sure with practice I could get good-"**

"**Roy."**

"**Sorry."**

**The blonde laughed.**

"**I'll get mine, don't you worry about that." **

**Even as he spoke, he was kneeling up and sliding the zipper on his tight, leather pants down. Buttons popped free of their holes. Boxers joined the other items on the floor of Roy's bedroom. He was completely naked.**

"**Face up, face down, or on your side?"**

"**Huh?"**

**Roy was so confused it was kind of cute. **

"**Here, it will probably feel best if we do this laying on your side. Turn over."**

"**I'm still really nervous."**

"**I know, baby. Here, suck on these, it will help you feel better."**

_**Did he just call me baby? **_

_**Yes, yes he did, and you are hardly the man in this situation, so suck it up.**_

**Tanned fingers were gently prodding his lips. Unsure of how this would help, but game anyway, he began sucking Edward's fingers. **

**A breath teased the back of Roy's neck, and gentle kisses were being peppered along the sensitive nape.**

"**There. That's good enough. Now, remember what I said earlier. If you feel uncomfortable, let me know and I'll stop."**

"**You really are a prodigy aren't you?"**

**A kiss turned into a smile as Ed pulled his fingers back from Roy's warm mouth.**

**He stroked that hidden area in between his Colonel's cheeks. **

"**So far so good?"**

"**Ah, ah, yeah. I uh, didn't know." He felt Edward's nod. **

**The unmistakable feeling of a finger entering into Roy made the older man tense.**

**Reassuring kisses covered Roy's back and neck, any accessible area.**

"**Baby, I can't do this if you don't relax."**

**The dark haired man let out a shaky breath and by shear force of will, relaxed his muscles.**

**Stroking inside his Colonel, rubbing against that spot deep inside the Colonel, eventually he was able to add his second finger. **

**A beautiful feeling coursed through Roy Mustang starting with his, well, back **_**there**_** business. Before he was sure what was happening he heard himself shouting "More! More! Please. Please, Edward. More!"**

**Edward Elric couldn't believe his luck. This magic spell he'd cast had managed to stay in place all the way to the end. He was going to make his lover scream his name before he was done. **

**A firm hand held Roy in place, while the other guided a dripping erection towards the Colonel's recently prepared hole.**

"**This might sting a little. Just relax, it will go away. I'll make you feel good. I promise baby, I will make you feel so good-"**

"**Edward."**

**The blonde grinned. Well, well. The tiger returns.**

**He pushed into his lover gently, pausing for signs of discomfort. **

**Then, Roy's butt **_**wiggled**_** and it was all Edward's long neglected cock could do to keep from going off early. **

**Ed wasn't a kid anymore. He could exercise self control. Well, if the Colonel wanted rough, rough he would get. **

**After the first gentle push, he waited for a signal to continue and got it in the form of, "**_**More!**_**" **

**Well, alright then.**

**Ed pulled out almost to the tip before slamming back in. **

**Roy went completely still, and Ed was terrified in that moment that he had done something awful. **

**Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, and luckiest bastard in all of Central was back in the saddle.**

"_**More!**__**Harder! Faster! Goddamn, Fullmetal, God. Harder! That's it, that's it! Right there! Oh God, oh God. Yes! Yes! Fuck me, baby, Fuck me!" **_

**Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, and luckiest bastard in all of Central, came into Roy Mustang with a shout and bit into a pale shoulder.**

**As they lay, panting and sticky, in the afterglow, Ed only had one comment.**

"**Glad to have you back, Colonel." **

**A chuckle, and he threw his arm around **_**his**_** Edward.**

"**Glad to be back, Fullmetal."**

**He sighed and shifted slightly.**

**Ed was instantly concerned, "Are you alright, baby?"**

"**You know, I could get used to you calling me baby. I'm alright, just a little sore."**

**Edward laughed. "Well, not all of me is small, you know."**


	7. Chapter 7

"_Central Girl_ magazine? You know, it may not be my business but we simply don't sell this one to a lot of boys." _Any boys, _the shop-girl thought tactlessly.

"My sister is a shut-in, but she does enjoy reading about current trends." Al gave the lie readily enough. He had been practicing.

"What a sweet brother you are! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to pry. Here's the magazine, is there anything else I can get you?" Predictably, the shop-girl had gone from being nosy to giving condolences.

"Thank you, no. Well, that is, do you have Cherry Bomb lip gloss mentioned on page 36 of last months issue?"

"Right here, thank you for shopping with us and, please, give your sister my best!"

Al smiled. "Will do! Thank you."

"Hey, Al, I'm going to go do research at the Colonel's, don't wait up."

Al rolled his eyes dramatically.

"I'm not an idiot brother. You aren't going over there to do 'research' anymore than I do 'research' in the shower after you go to bed. Anyway, you aren't _wearing _that are you?"

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" Instantly defensive.

Al sighed. Older brothers could be so much work.

"Well, if you had read the February issue of _Central Girl_ magazine, you would know that you are engaging in 'comfortable behavior'-"

"Comfortable behavior?"

"Yes, 'comfortable behavior' refers to what happens after two people have known each other a while, in a romantic sense. One of the partners, in this case you, have decided to show up for a tryst wearing brown with black, your hair isn't straight, your boots are dirty, and your shirt and pants are wrinkled. Not taking time with your appearance, because you feel comfortable, is a way of saying 'I don't care what I look like.' This in turn translates into, 'I don't care about _you.' _In this case, 'you' refers to Roy Mustang. You see, Ed, people in a relationship feel special when their partner has taken extra time to look good- wait. Do you have a relationship or are you just fuck buddies?"

"Of course we're not fu-" he stopped, mid-sentence. _Is that all we are? We don't go out, we don't hold hands. We don't really talk that much unless we're at the office or we're doing… stuff. _He felt himself blush.

His eyes narrowed slightly and without another word, he went back into his closet.

"I'm very sorry Gracia, I didn't know she was listening I promise. I swear it won't happen again."

"You have the list?" The normally friendly woman was terse. Obviously, she had not taken it well when she had come home from shopping and Elysia had asked, quite innocently, "Do you have the fucking groceries?"

"Yes, right here. Let's see. 'Cur-fluffing, shneikes, dingle flipper, and fiddlesticks.' Anything else?"

"No that's all of them. And you remember this, Roy Mustang, when you are in my house, you use my words."

"Yes, ma'am!" Roy nearly saluted. He hadn't felt like this since he was five and his mother had caught him trying to bake glue in the oven. "I was hungry," was not considered an adequate reason.

He had been staring at the door for the past twenty eight and a half minutes, _wishing,_ that his beloved golden-haired angel would show up and save him from this phone call.

"Alright. Then, I don't think there is anything more we need to discuss. Have a pleasant evening Roy."

"You too, Gracia, good night."

"Where is it? _Where is it?"_

"Where is what?"

"My Cherry Bomb lip gloss! I _need _it!"

"Where did you have it last?"

"My pocket! I had it in my pocket when I went over to Roy's last week, so I could freshen up occasionally, and I- I- _left it in the bathroom._ Shit."

"It's okay, brother, you can use mine."

"Yours?"

"Yeah, I picked some up at that corner shop."

"I don't want your mouth-cooties."

"I haven't used it yet."

"Al, I could kiss you."

Al shivered. "Please don't. Besides, the mouth-cooties."

Ed grabbed him in a tight hug. "_Thank you_." Then, he was gone.

"Anytime, brother. Anytime."

A familiar knock on the front door had Roy Mustang scurrying (without trying to _look _like he was scurrying) up the hallway.

The door opened to reveal the only person in Central (or anywhere else for that matter) that could make the Colonel feel like a nervous school girl.

Determined not to act like a nervous school girl, he leaned against the door frame and took in his lover's appearance.

Hair, a soft gold, fell in gentle waves down past his shoulders. He was wearing freshly pressed dress slacks in black (Roy hadn't known he owned a pair) with matching black boots that looked (Roy couldn't believe it) shiny, he was wearing that special lip stuff that made his mouth look swollen and glossy (tasted like cherry) and his navy blue shirt was-

"Are you wearing silk?"

"Al did it."

"Remind me to thank Al."

The blonde alchemist blushed adorably.

"He knows more about this sort of thing than I do. He's always reading those magazines, _Central Girl, Eastern Chic, Xinga Xinga…_"

"Why does your brother read girl magazines?"

"No idea. He's always had kind of a housewife mentality. I can't figure out if he's trying to get into a girl's head or if he wants to be one."

"Or maybe it's something else."

"Just what are you implying?"

"Oh nothing."

"You think he's gay." It was a statement, not a question.

"Just saying. Havoc is the most attention-starved person I know and he doesn't read girly magazines."

"You just think he's gay because you think I'm gay. Well, I'm not gay and neither is Al. I would know if my own brother were gay."

Roy sighed, following Edward's train of thought could be an exercise in futility.

"You aren't gay? What about what we do on the weekends and sometimes in the office when Hawkeye is on assignment?"

"That's different."

"How so?"

"I don't l- like you because you're a man, I like you because you're Roy. Classifying me as 'gay' makes it sound like it could be anyone with a dick."

"You know, I hadn't thought of it like that, but you're right. You don't l- like somebody because of anything other than who they are as a person. With us, age and gender don't really enter into it, do they? You really are a prodigy, aren't you?"

"You have looks, I have brains. We're a good team."

"Hey, Ed, don't sell yourself sh-"

"Finish that sentence and you will not live to finish this date."

"Date?"

"You thought we were going to fuck on your front porch?"

"So, where are we going?"

"That steakhouse on Ninth."

"Wow. What's the occasion?"

"No occasion. It's just that we aren't exactly boyfriends if we don't go on dates."

"Wait, are you talking about Pancetta's? You have to have a reservation for Pancetta's."

"Yes, I am, and yes, I do."

To Roy, in that moment, his young lover looked beautiful and confident. Then, he ruined the effect by rolling his eyes dramatically, "I may not know what colors to wear together, but I do know about societal conventions, I'm not a complete moron, you know."

"Hey, now, no need to get defensive."

"Sorry. I'm just touchy about this whole dating thing. I've never done it before."

"It's okay, you are pretty cute when you're touchy. Ah, and there's that blush again. FullMet- sorry, Edward, I would set my own house on fire to get you to blush like that."

Ed didn't respond verbally, but his cheeks got just a little bit darker, and he inconspicuously brushed his hand against Roy's.

"Elric, Elric, here we are, you requested the private booth in the back, correct?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Roy looked at him strangely. Edward was being polite? He would have to check for marks of demonic possession later.

They were led to a small table in the back, partitions giving a measure of privacy. A bottle of 1385 La Ville rested on the table in a bucket of ice. A note sat beside it that read, _compliments of the house._ Roy couldn't help but wonder what Edward had done to earn such an expensive bottle of La Ville.

It hadn't been that hard, actually. When Edward had reserved the table he had politely asked, ("If your waiter or waitress asks to see my age verification card in front of my guest I will transmute your entire establishment into a pile of kindling!") if they could leave a bottle waiting. The staff were so impressed by his _politeness_ that they had decided to comp the bottle. That was all.

Roy was unconvinced but decided to let the matter drop for now.

"So, I'm curious. We've been together a couple of months, why the big date all of a sudden?"

The blonde looked uncomfortable. "Just something Al said. It's not a big deal or anything, I just need to know we have a real relationship."

"What, precisely, did Al say?"

"He asked me if we were in a relationship or if we were just, you know, fuck buddies. I don't want to be fuck buddies. I don't want to use or be used by anyone. I want a partnership. And, laugh if you want, I want the romance. So, that's why the big date, all of a sudden. I want to get to know you, and I know that if we stay at your house we'll just wind up in your bedroom and then go to sleep."

"Wow. Ed, I want those things for us too, it's just when you come over usually all I can think about is covering your body in chocolate sauce and licking it off."

"That could be arranged. Maybe afterward we could- no wait. I wanted to get to know you and you're making me go off topic."

The older man sighed dramatically. "Alright, you win. So what do you want to know?"

"Where did you learn alchemy?"

_How did I know the first question would be alchemy related?_

"My father. It was the only good thing he gave me."

"I didn't know we had that in common. Your turn. What's something you want to know about me?"

"Well, something that I've always been curious about, after losing so much to alchemy, why did you keep doing it? Most people would hate or be frightened of alchemy after losing so much."

"Alchemy is my passion, and on some level, I always knew I could find a way to make it work. It never occurred to me to give up alchemy. If anything the experience taught me to respect it more. Besides, alchemy might have taken my arm and leg, but it also gave me you. So, I guess it's equivalent exchange after all."

_Edward, do you have any idea what you have just said to me? Only you could give such a candid response without knowing what it would mean it to me. _

"Are you two ready or should I come back?"

Roy was shocked for a moment, there was a world outside of this table? When did that happen?

He opened his mouth to tell her to go away somewhere, anywhere, the moon preferably, but Edward was already speaking.

"Yeah, we'll start with fried cheese and red sauce, that bread with tomatoes on it, and a basket of fries."

Roy smiled, even though the moment was over. Some things just didn't change.

Al scanned this month's edition of the popular article, "How to Snag Him in the First Ten Seconds." He already had the Cherry Bomb lip gloss after retrieving another one from the corner shop ("My sister really loves this lip gloss,") some things simply didn't apply to him since he was a man and planned on staying that way, and the rest well, it was as good as in the bag.

It was only a matter of time.


	8. Chapter 8

"Well, well, well. Look who came in late again. Taking advantage of Hawkeye's vacation time, are we?"

"_Someone_ who didn't want to eat their vegetables thought it would be a bright idea to slip them to Black Hayate under the table. Said vegetables made said dog sick and I spent all morning cleaning up vomit. If you still feel like being witty I would be more than happy to give a detailed account of the veggie vomit until you can't eat your lunch. No? Now then, _get back to work."_

Roy Mustang took his seat behind his desk and glared at his paperwork until it was intimidated into crawling into a desk drawer. _Out of sight, out of mind, _It reasoned. He reached down and unplugged his phone. It was deathly silent in the room. Just when the boys were wondering if they should try making a run for it, their fearless leader laid his head on his desk and took a nap.

The collective sigh of relief rattled the windows.

Last night Ed had been in Heaven. Not that he believed in Heaven, but he enjoyed using the expression as a euphemism for being in a completely blissed out state. He'd successfully gotten rid of his vegetables without having eaten any. He'd gotten an extremely well done blow job from his boyfriend. He sincerely hoped none of Amestris' enemies got wind of how easy it was to bring the great Roy Mustang to his knees.

But all that had been last night. Not only had last nights offensive vegetation (Roy should have known better than to put them on his plate in the first place) been subsequently thrown up all over everything, a very groggy Roy had stepped in it. Slipped. Fallen. In even more vomit.

In retrospect, Edward probably shouldn't have laughed.

…...

"Reviewing documents for Mustang? That sounds very..." Al groped for an appropriate word. "Interesting." He finished. _Lame. So. Lame._

"Not really." The older man responded. "Just requisition forms, requests for vacation time, requests for reimbursement..." and under his breath, "Not really sure why the Army is paying for your brother's sweet bun habit..."

Al blushed.

"Pretty boring actually. But if you find it interesting your welcome to take it over."

This was not going well.

…...

Somewhere in a beautiful Hotel far away a no-nonsense blond woman picked up a phone. She should probably call and check on her dog. Probably. On the other hand... Hm. On the other hand why ruin a perfectly relaxing vacation with a call home? The phone made a quiet _clunk_ sound as it dropped back onto the receiver.

…...

"I think you need to send the boys on a mission."

"Why?"

"Because Al was bugging me all afternoon. Looking over my shoulder, asking me questions about paperwork... I don't know. I just think he's probably bored and needs something to do. If he's bored the other one is too. So send them to some farm out in the middle of nowhere to collect some rare type of fern. Say its for the Botany Alchemist."

"Okay, but there is no Botany Alchemist."

He winked conspiratorially.

"Well, Roy, I know that and you know that, but they don't know that. Please? You'll be doing me a favor. If I have another day like today I'll never get any work done."

"Since when do either of us worry about getting work done?"

"Since we both know that the second you-know-how comes back she will be analyzing every single thing we've done or not-done since she's been gone."

Roy pulled out a Mission Assignment form from out of his desk and began filling it out.

"One more thing."

"Shoot."

"Don't mention it to Edward because I don't want to worry him unnecessarily, but I'm pretty sure Al was wearing lip gloss. Pretty weird, huh?"

…...

"Where the _fuck_ do you think you are sending me?"

"Shut up and suck my cock."

"Fuck you! This is because of the dog isn't it? You are punishing me! I don't need this crap from you, I'm a genius!"

"No, you were a genius when you were thirteen. Now you are just a lazy, spoiled asshole that doesn't eat his vegetables. Now take your bullshit assignment with a smile on your face, get down on your knees, and find a creative way to make up for last night."

"Fuck you." Edward grumbled half-heartedly as he took Roy's zipper in between his teeth.

…...

"Are you packed yet?" Edward asked his younger brother impatiently.

"Almost. I'm trying to squeeze in my magazines."

"Isn't there alchemy for that?" The irritation was seriously starting to show.

"You tell me. Aren't you the genius?" Al bit back.

Without another word Edward stomped forward clapped his hands and slapped them down on the suitcase, which suddenly had enough room for Al's magazine collection.

"_There._ Now hurry up. The faster we get out of here the faster we can come back."

"Look, Ed, I know that this isn't your dream mission or anything, but this might go just a little bit smoother if you stop acting like such a bitch."

"Don't you get it Al? There is no mission, because there is no Botany Alchemist. Its something Roy made up to get rid of... us." Ed's breath hitched and Al felt a little sorry for his bratty older brother.

"Well, in that case lets go get a nice Hotel somewhere, eat enough sweet buns to make ourselves sick, buy the stupid freaking plants, and laugh our asses off all the way to the Requisition Office."

So off they went, and if Al's face changed when he said 'Requisition Office' Ed didn't notice.

…...

Roy knocked on the door of the Requisition Office.

"Come in."

The handsome young gentleman, superbly representing this man's army and... wait. What was he doing? Oh yeah.

Roy poked his head through the door and uttered one simple sentence.

"The deed is done."  
"Thanks, man. I owe you one. Hey, maybe now we can actually get some work done around here. Am I right?"

The older man smiled briefly.

"Yes, work. Of course. Well, I'll leave you to it then.

If the Flame Alchemist wasn't looking forward to coming home to an empty apartment he didn't mention it.

…...

"Location please."

Edward and Al looked at each other. They had no idea.

The blond turned back to the clerk.

"A town with a really nice, really expensive Hotel with totally awesome sweet buns and..." Ed heard a polite cough just behind his shoulder.

"Oh yeah, and a store that sells the latest in cosmetics."

The lady glanced at Al's suspiciously shiny lips, but didn't comment.

"How about Reyta? Five star Hotels, world-famous bakeries, and La Femme Boutique."

"Ooh! La Femme Boutique? I read all about that place in Eastern Chic! Its top-rated! Please, please, please can we go there please?"

Edward nodded, dizzy from all the exclamation points.

"Two tickets for Reyta, please."

Transaction made, Al turned to leave but his brother had other ideas.

"Just so you know, we are genius Alchemists that are studying plant-based cosmetics in order to better understand that kind of stuff so we can Alchemize it using modern principles. Now that I feel I have restored my dignity, we can leave."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N I'm back in the saddle again! Back! Again! Did anyone miss me? Anyone? Cricket? Beuler? The big secret is out but I just can't seem to quit writing this one. C'est la vie.

Falman looked at the long list of requisitioned items that had just come in from Reyta.

-La Femme Boutique $3000

-Hotel Reyta $10,000

-Cafe Faze $250

-Leatherman's $700

-Toys for Boys $1000

-Spa Junky $2000

-Hair World $200

-Hair World $200

-Snack Attack $50

-Reyta First Class Emporium of Sweet Buns $99

With Hawkeye on vacation and the Colonel worthless without his boy toy, the office had been trying to run itself without any incentive whatsoever to do so. The last time he had tried to go to the Colonel for help with something his superior had been drunk off of Xingese alcohol and ranting about his desperate desire to play with violin with his hands. That part was important because he had related it several times. With his hands. His hands were not just for setting things on fire. His hands were for the violin. After that misadventure, Falman had gone to Breda for advice. Breda had not been helpful. "Approve it," he had said "what is it? Twenty dollars in sweet buns? Comics for Al? Bid deal. If I wanted to deal with shitwork assignments I wouldn't have passed them onto you, I would have kept them for myself. It's the kind of crap we only bother with when Hawkeye makes us, anyway. Look, if it's bugging you out that much, give it to Fury." There were issues with this. Issue number one; it was around twenty thousand, not twenty. Issue two; the requisitions came out of their departments budget and twenty thousand was a huge hit. They could all get brand spanking new weaponry for that scratch. Issue three; they would all have to deal with Hawkeye when she got back from her well-deserved vacation and no work had been done. Issue four; like half of the department, Fury had taken leave since the Colonel was blindly signing all requests sent his way and didn't give a crap about anything. Technically, Falman was on his vacation too, but he couldn't think of anything to do so he just kept coming to work. There was one last person in the office Falman could go to and it was not a conversation he was looking forward to.

"Come on, Havoc! If I remember correctly it was a job you specifically requested in the first place!" Falman was not a man to get on his knees and beg, but he was _that_ close if the situation didn't resolve itself soon.

"One. I only requested so it would get me away from Alphonse-formerly-metal-man-Elric because, and I love the kid, but he had a serious case of the puppy dog syndrome. Two. I have no idea how our department is going to cover that much money but if you take it to the Colonel he will defend his lover's ridiculous spending habits to the death. Three. Hawkeye is on vacation so why do you even care so much?"

Desperate times called for desperate measures. Falman made a snap decision. "If you balance the budget you can have my remaining vacation days. I'll do the paperwork for it myself."

Jean jerked in surprise. "You sir, have a deal."

_Ring...Ring...Ring..._

_Shut up_ Roy thought blearily. Can't a guy pass out drunk in his own office anymore? Roy picked up the offensive object, brought it to his ear and promptly jerked it back a good foot away from his face. Right away Roy inferred the nature of the call.

"What the hell Mustang? Twenty thousand dollars on lollipops and pedicures? A hotel that is $1200 a night? Give me one good reason why your department approved that twerp's bills!" Roy thought fast and hard. Not easy under the circumstances. "Deep cover," he improvised, "the boys are deep cover as movers and shakers. There are stories of a rebellion forming against the state and the rumor is that the headquarters are in the Hotel Reyta. In order to appropriately infiltrate they need to look the part." _I am so awesome,_ Roy thought to himself, proudly.

"Then why does it say 'vacation costs' as the reason listed?" the voice on the other end asked, much calmer now. "I did say, 'deep cover' right? No one in the office can know." Roy responded conspiratorially.

Al spun in a little circle in the middle of his new mecca, La Femme Boutique. It was the last day of their vacation and Al wanted to take full advantage of it by spending it in the holy land. He stocked up on Cherry Bomb lip glosses, curling irons, flat irons, bronzers, and a million other little necessities that would be difficult to fit on the train.

It may seem frivolous to some people, but to Al it was an absolute necessity. A thousand obsessions, interests, and objects amounted to several thousand distractions from the thoughts that would otherwise hound him mercilessly. Where had he been? How had his body come back? Why was he so much younger than he was supposed to be? Where the hell had his brother gone? How had he come back? So many things he shouldn't know. So many images he couldn't reconcile. He didn't want to know. He had to know. So the distractions. He went up to the checkout counter and piled up a huge stack of fashion magazines. When the cashier smiled at him, he smiled back.

"Hotel Reyta, this is Rei." Roy sighed. "Connect me to room 203, please."

"Right away, sir."

_Ring...Ring...Ring..._

Ugh. Couldn't a genius alchemist get drunk and pass out in his hotel room anymore?

"Edward Elric, sex therapist, how may I assist your needs?"

"Are you drunk?"

"No."

…

"Alright, fine. Yes, I'm drunk. Whaddya want, pervert?"

"Quit calling me a pervert, you don't exactly scream rape when I blow you."

"Which you don't do nearly often enough, by the way."

"Ditto."

"Reason for disturbing my vacation, please?"

"You need to come home, you're spending too much and I can't cover for you anymore."

"Cover for me? What story did you use?"

"You and your brother are on a deep cover assignment, infiltrating the Hotel Reyta."

"Hahaha! And they same I'm the genius!"

"Sorry, who says that? Voices in your head?"

"Shut up."

"Blow me."

"Back to that are we?"

"Just shut up and come home."

"I'll come home if you tell me you love me."

"I love you like Breda loves cake, Havoc loves cigarettes, and Hawkeye loves frowny faces."

Sweat trickled. Breathing was unsteady.

This was a tricky situation, with neither man fully being able to trust the other.

Slowly they inched closer together.

One step then another.

One man lifted his hand.

Then the other man lifted his hand.

Slowly, so slowly...

The two men exchanged paperwork.

Falman looked over his sheets of paper, all was perfectly balanced.

Havoc looked over the vacation transfer sheets, it was signed and dated.

Both men breathed a sigh of relief and went their separate ways.


End file.
